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Articles: Metro churches reach out to singles population

Posted by admin on Wednesday, June 16, 2004 - 01:37 AM

She was twice divorced with two kids and looking to start over. And so was he. Linda Burbank, 50, and Mike Kaneris, 48, turned to Ward Evangelical Presbyterian Church’s singles program to refocus their faith and to recover from heartbreak. As their confidence grew, they soon found companionship in each other.
“He invited me out to lunch one day, and we knew,” Burbank said of the day their friendship turned to a romance that might, one day, turn to marriage. “We have this uncanny ability to understand each other.” In a world where divorce is no longer a taboo and careers bite into personal time, religious leaders are reaching out to Michigan’s 3.6 million singles to provide spiritual guidance and a comfortable place to meet. While there are many avenues to meet people today, from bars to dating services, many singles with strong faith say they prefer meeting potential partners through religious-based groups. And religious groups are responding. Ward Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Northville Township has one of the largest singles ministries. About 3,000 singles participate in the church’s three singles groups geared to people from their 20s to 50-plus. The church offers separate services for singles and a slew of events so singles of similar faiths can meet, from softball leagues to movie nights. “People are realizing if you are going to grow as a church, you have to appeal to a significant section of the population,” said Paul Clough, minister of singles programs at Ward Church. “In the past, it was a married world, and that’s now changing a lot.” Relationships can be hard enough sometimes, especially when couples disagree on religion. So religious-based meetings make sense, some singles say, because you find someone with similar values to build a relationship. A quick search of the Internet will reveal many Christian, Jewish, Muslim and other religious online dating sites. But for those who prefer the less tech-savvy forms of dating, face-to-face dating is still popular. About once a month, 100 to 125 Jewish singles flock to a bar, usually in Ferndale or Royal Oak, to socialize with others like them and to sometimes find a lifelong partner. The meetings are casual, and a chance to meet new people, said Jonathan Goldstein, director of the young adult division at the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit, which helps organize the bar nights. And romance is likely. “In reality, there are a lot of single Jews out there who want to meet other Jews,” said Goldstein, 27, of Birmingham, who connected with his fiancee through a Jewish bar night at Como’s in Ferndale. “This gives a good opportunity to do that and good place.” Nationally, about 39 percent of congregations of all religions offer singles or young adult programs, according to a survey of 14,300 congregations of various religious groups by the Hartford Institute for Religion Research. The popularity of church singles programs nearly put a 28-year-old group out of business that was designed for Christians who belonged to churches without singles programs. Participants in Macomb County’s Single Way decreased from about 200 to 25 singles because so many churches now offer singles activities, said Single Way President Tom Nawrot. The need for singles programs is underscored by the changing patterns of marriage. People are postponing first marriages until later in life: age 25 for women and age 27 for men, on average. And what was once the all-American household of husband, wife and young kids is no longer the dominant family structure. Today, just 24 percent of all homes fit that mold. For Burbank, once she and her husband of 19 years divorced, she felt displaced in her church. “I didn’t want to have to answer questions all the time, and I didn’t want people to look at me with sad faces,” Burbank said of her decision to leave her former church. Prior to meeting, Burbank and Kaneris sought out Ward specifically for its intensive divorce recovery program. “It educates you on what went wrong in the relationship,” Kaneris said. “You become much more aware of what people are really like and become in tune to someone before deciding to enter a relationship again.” Strengthened by the program, the Livonia residents found fun in meeting the hundreds of people involved in the singles group. Schedules were jam-packed with singles activities, including sports, dancing and movies. The love story that soon blossomed between Burbank and Kaneris is not uncommon at Ward Church. While the program’s mission is certainly not to make matches, lifelong friendships and marriages have been forged. Weddings are common. On average, more than a dozen couples who meet through the program marry, Kaneris said. “They really provide a good, safe environment for people,” said Chris Willemsen, 47, of Redford, who became involved in Ward Church through a divorce recovery program. At Trinity Church in Livonia, the Rev. Michael Van Horn has taken a different approach to the large number of college students and young people who attend his church: Integrate, don’t separate them from the congregation. “I think in a healthy church, you have cross-generational relationships,” Van Horn said. “And that means that young college students worship with those who are married or widowed.” Attracting singles to churches makes good marketing sense, too, said Mike Bernacchi, a professor of marketing at University of Detroit Mercy who has studied religion marketing. “Today, we have more folks getting divorced than ever before and more folks getting married later in life than ever before,” Bernacchi said. “Religion, like any other service, is a competitive marketplace. People have needs to be fulfilled emotionally, spiritually and physically. And if you aren’t able to fill those needs within the church structure, then they will be filled outside the church.” In all, 46 percent of Michigan residents age 15 or older are considered single by census standards — never married, divorced, separated or widowed. Recognizing the need to tap into this demographic, the Archdiocese of Detroit recently called for the formation of ministries aimed at students and young professionals. Sixty parishes in Oakland County were the first to respond and create Genesis Ministries last year with the hiring of director Tamra Hull in June.

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